December 6, 2010
Hard day! I woke up feeling yucky. But had to get myself up and going to get my children off to school. We went to the funeral of my husbands uncle.
I felt kind of sick and grumpy. I can tell that I am missing my "drugs"....I start rationalizing in my head and the voices/demons keep telling me to quit and go out and get something to eat! It's really, really tough! But, what has made me resist? Knowing that I have a meeting on thursday!! I really wanted to "jump off the wagon" today. But, then I thought about how I ALWAYS feel when I've quit in the past. I tried to remember how bad I felt about myself for quitting and how I beat myself up and then fall into the pit of despair and depression.. and it worked!
I'm so proud of myself! I chose raw even through a tough day!
Breakfast: Mango Pudding: Blended spinach and mango.
snack: Rosemary Garlic Almonds and Pistachios
Lunch: Raw Pizza and Pumpkin Pie (at Gingers Cafe)
Dinner: Curry Salad: Green Cabbage, Green and Red Pepper, Red Onion, Raisins, Coconut meat, with a Cashew Curry Cream sauce.
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We thank Thee for Thy Abundance
Genesis 1:29
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Day 5 of Raw
December 5, 2010
FAST SUNDAY!
Breakfast: water....
Dinner:Broke my fast with a veggie sandwich! It was hard to fast tonight. I defintely am feeling tempted today....It's hard having a "cooked" family when you're raw.....but I know I can do it. I've done it before.
Snack: Pomelo and grapefruit.
FAST SUNDAY!
Breakfast: water....
Dinner:Broke my fast with a veggie sandwich! It was hard to fast tonight. I defintely am feeling tempted today....It's hard having a "cooked" family when you're raw.....but I know I can do it. I've done it before.
Snack: Pomelo and grapefruit.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Day 4 of Raw
December 4, 2010
Breakfast: 2 Bananas
Lunch: Sandwich made with a raw bread that I made using UBraw Ming's recipe, avocado, sprouts, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, cashew mayo, and mustard.
And, a cinnamon pecan cacao truffle!
Snacks: Baby Carrots
Dinner: Spinach, Cranberry, Mandarin Orange, Walnut, Red Onion salad with an orange juice, balsamic, honey, e.v.o.o, salt and pepper dressing.
Busy day!
I went to pick up my first order from Bountiful Baskets at 8 a.m., then I went to pick up a CD, and I did some grocery shopping at The Good Earth, then home to practice with my family a Christmas book we are reading for our ward Christmas party, then went to the baptism of my foster sisters daughter, then off to the rehearsal, and then the party!
I didn't have a lot of time to eat, but felt just fine!
I am feeling wonderful, energetic and vibrant and light and very, very, happy!
I LOVE raw food and how eating it makes me feel!
Breakfast: 2 Bananas
Lunch: Sandwich made with a raw bread that I made using UBraw Ming's recipe, avocado, sprouts, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, cashew mayo, and mustard.
And, a cinnamon pecan cacao truffle!
Snacks: Baby Carrots
Dinner: Spinach, Cranberry, Mandarin Orange, Walnut, Red Onion salad with an orange juice, balsamic, honey, e.v.o.o, salt and pepper dressing.
Busy day!
I went to pick up my first order from Bountiful Baskets at 8 a.m., then I went to pick up a CD, and I did some grocery shopping at The Good Earth, then home to practice with my family a Christmas book we are reading for our ward Christmas party, then went to the baptism of my foster sisters daughter, then off to the rehearsal, and then the party!
I didn't have a lot of time to eat, but felt just fine!
I am feeling wonderful, energetic and vibrant and light and very, very, happy!
I LOVE raw food and how eating it makes me feel!
Friday, December 3, 2010
Day 3 of Raw
December 3, 2010
Weight: 154.4
Breakfast: 6 oz. wheatgrass
34 oz. kale, celery, cilantro, cucumber, broccoli, carrot, apple, lime juice.
Lunch: 3 c. Green Smoothie with Spinach, orange, lemon, pineapple, banana, blueberry, strawberry and Udo's Oil 3.6.9 blend.
Snack: Living Intentions Cilantro Lime Mojo Pistachios & Pepitas. Yummy, Yum, YUM!!!
Feel like I'm detoxing today. Woke up with a sore throat, headache and feverish. But I still taught my exercise class and went grocery shopping..
Dinner: 30 oz. Citrus Bliss: Grapefruit, Orange, Lemon, Lime juice.
Weight: 154.4
Breakfast: 6 oz. wheatgrass
34 oz. kale, celery, cilantro, cucumber, broccoli, carrot, apple, lime juice.
Lunch: 3 c. Green Smoothie with Spinach, orange, lemon, pineapple, banana, blueberry, strawberry and Udo's Oil 3.6.9 blend.
Snack: Living Intentions Cilantro Lime Mojo Pistachios & Pepitas. Yummy, Yum, YUM!!!
Feel like I'm detoxing today. Woke up with a sore throat, headache and feverish. But I still taught my exercise class and went grocery shopping..
Dinner: 30 oz. Citrus Bliss: Grapefruit, Orange, Lemon, Lime juice.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day 2 of Raw!
December 2, 1010
Weight: Who cares! ( I forgot to weigh myself :p )
Breakfast: 30 oz. kale, carrot, celery, broccoli, apple, cilantro, lime juice.
Lunch: Raw "refried beans" (basically an almond pate with salsa ingredients.) on romaine leaves with salsa and avocado.
Some dates, apple slices and dehydrated apple slices.
Dinner: 30 oz. of kale, carrot, celery, broccoli, apple, cilantro, lime juice.
I went into action yesterday by first, blogging and then setting up a Raw Food Support Group! Yay! We are meeting TONIGHT at my house! How cool is that?
(I had formed a facebook page for raw fooders and just created an event!)
I am excited! Truly! For some reason getting "out of my head", including you and a support group, gives me so much strength! I won't make excuses if I know that I need to be accountable to others. No man is an island, and we just CANNOT make it through this life on our own. I thought I could do it on my own, but I can't. I tried and tried and tried and always let myself down. You know what? It's okay to need you. It's okay to need help. It's okay to need friends and a support group. I'm okay with it now. It's quite a weight lifted from off my head and shoulders (hopefully off my butt too! LOL!) I need others! And it's okay!
That is all.
Weight: Who cares! ( I forgot to weigh myself :p )
Breakfast: 30 oz. kale, carrot, celery, broccoli, apple, cilantro, lime juice.
Lunch: Raw "refried beans" (basically an almond pate with salsa ingredients.) on romaine leaves with salsa and avocado.
Some dates, apple slices and dehydrated apple slices.
Dinner: 30 oz. of kale, carrot, celery, broccoli, apple, cilantro, lime juice.
I went into action yesterday by first, blogging and then setting up a Raw Food Support Group! Yay! We are meeting TONIGHT at my house! How cool is that?
(I had formed a facebook page for raw fooders and just created an event!)
I am excited! Truly! For some reason getting "out of my head", including you and a support group, gives me so much strength! I won't make excuses if I know that I need to be accountable to others. No man is an island, and we just CANNOT make it through this life on our own. I thought I could do it on my own, but I can't. I tried and tried and tried and always let myself down. You know what? It's okay to need you. It's okay to need help. It's okay to need friends and a support group. I'm okay with it now. It's quite a weight lifted from off my head and shoulders (hopefully off my butt too! LOL!) I need others! And it's okay!
That is all.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
On and Off and On and Off
December 1, 2010
I'm back! I have learned so much about myself this past year. I have struggled a LOT with staying raw. On and off, On and off has been the perpetual cycle. Today, I am choosing to be ON!
Why I struggle to stay raw:
1. Eating for emotional reasons. The foods that bring me comfort...bread, chips, popcorn etc.
2. Cooking of my vegan husband and 4 children.
3. Socially. It's just easier (and funner) to go out to eat and eat what everyone else is eating and all of millions of restaurants that offer every kind of food imaginable!
4. It's yummy! It's what I've eaten my whole life (except for all together maybe a year of 100% raw and on and off for 2) It's what I'm used to!
5. It's fast and easily accessible and once in the clutches of "cookedome", which makes me lazy and frustrated and depressed and mad at myself. It's just a perpetual spiral down, down, down and it really hard to get back up. It's addictive and instant!
Okay, so? Excuses, excuses!
What keeps me from loving myself enough to do what is right? WHAT IS IT?!
So, I'm here to figure it out!
Well, what was different about me when I was 100% raw?
Why was I so strong? Strong enough that even being on an all you can eat 5 star cruise I remained 100% raw?? Where did that girl go??
Well, I know she's in there somewhere and I am going to find her!
Let's see,
1. I had just been through an extremely difficult "mystery" illness, scared half to death that I was going to die. Had gone to so many doctors and treatments and I was just filled with fear! THAT was my #1 motivation. To LIVE!
2. I was CONSTANTLY reading a book on raw food.
3. I was writting in my journal, or blogging here when I did a juice feast.
4. I was actively going to support groups or having one in my house. Raw Friends.
5. I was learning how to make so many delicious and fascinating recipes that I wasn't missing anything else.
6. I divorced myself from cooked foods. I could seriously look at all of the cooked stuff and be like, "I loved you once, but I don't want you anymore. I have a new love." I was SO committed, and it was EASY! (I want that back!)
So, Here are my goals to get on and stay on raw!
1. Blog here.
2. Create a support group, I don't know, weekly or biweekly in my home, or here.
3. READ a book or something online everyday about raw food.
4. Focus on completely healing ( I am still not healed from L.S.)
5. Feast on help from you!
6. Keep all of my favorite raw ingredients readily available in my home. (Avocados, pistachios, kale, raw bread on hand)
7. Spend at least 1 day a week preparing more complicated meals (dehydrated stuff like bread, crackers, chips, the stuff I crave cooked.) But keeping it pretty simple, not overwhelming, learning a new recipe each week.
8. Make a juice and smoothie everyday.
9. Keep 2-3 raw salad dressings in the fridge.
10. Always have a big salad prepared in the fridge.
11. Keep soaked nuts in the fridge ready to whip anything up.
So my friends, Will you help me? I've got to find that "Raw Girl" in me again.
I will do it this time! I know if I am accountable to you and not just myself, for now, until I can find "her", I will be able to do it.
Today:
Weight: 159.4 (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!?)I was 152 the day before Thanksgiving......
Meals:
Breakfast: 32 oz. kale, carrot, celery, apple, cilantro, lime, broccoli juice.
1 T. Spirulina mixed with 1/4 c. water. (yucky!)
Lunch: 3 c. greeen smoothie: Spinach, banana, pineapple, orange, lemon, blueberries, and strawberries.
Snack: Soaked in sea salt water and dehydrated pumpkin seeds.
1 Pecan Cocao Truffle.
(Gave me a headache...)
Juice: 20 oz. (Citrus Bliss) grapefruit, orange, lemon, lime juice.
Dinner: Raw stuffing (Buckwheat, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, onion, carrot, celery, parsley, green pepper) Cranberry Sauce (Cranberries, dates, pineapple, apple)
I made it through Day 1 with your help! Thank you!
I'm back! I have learned so much about myself this past year. I have struggled a LOT with staying raw. On and off, On and off has been the perpetual cycle. Today, I am choosing to be ON!
Why I struggle to stay raw:
1. Eating for emotional reasons. The foods that bring me comfort...bread, chips, popcorn etc.
2. Cooking of my vegan husband and 4 children.
3. Socially. It's just easier (and funner) to go out to eat and eat what everyone else is eating and all of millions of restaurants that offer every kind of food imaginable!
4. It's yummy! It's what I've eaten my whole life (except for all together maybe a year of 100% raw and on and off for 2) It's what I'm used to!
5. It's fast and easily accessible and once in the clutches of "cookedome", which makes me lazy and frustrated and depressed and mad at myself. It's just a perpetual spiral down, down, down and it really hard to get back up. It's addictive and instant!
Okay, so? Excuses, excuses!
What keeps me from loving myself enough to do what is right? WHAT IS IT?!
So, I'm here to figure it out!
Well, what was different about me when I was 100% raw?
Why was I so strong? Strong enough that even being on an all you can eat 5 star cruise I remained 100% raw?? Where did that girl go??
Well, I know she's in there somewhere and I am going to find her!
Let's see,
1. I had just been through an extremely difficult "mystery" illness, scared half to death that I was going to die. Had gone to so many doctors and treatments and I was just filled with fear! THAT was my #1 motivation. To LIVE!
2. I was CONSTANTLY reading a book on raw food.
3. I was writting in my journal, or blogging here when I did a juice feast.
4. I was actively going to support groups or having one in my house. Raw Friends.
5. I was learning how to make so many delicious and fascinating recipes that I wasn't missing anything else.
6. I divorced myself from cooked foods. I could seriously look at all of the cooked stuff and be like, "I loved you once, but I don't want you anymore. I have a new love." I was SO committed, and it was EASY! (I want that back!)
So, Here are my goals to get on and stay on raw!
1. Blog here.
2. Create a support group, I don't know, weekly or biweekly in my home, or here.
3. READ a book or something online everyday about raw food.
4. Focus on completely healing ( I am still not healed from L.S.)
5. Feast on help from you!
6. Keep all of my favorite raw ingredients readily available in my home. (Avocados, pistachios, kale, raw bread on hand)
7. Spend at least 1 day a week preparing more complicated meals (dehydrated stuff like bread, crackers, chips, the stuff I crave cooked.) But keeping it pretty simple, not overwhelming, learning a new recipe each week.
8. Make a juice and smoothie everyday.
9. Keep 2-3 raw salad dressings in the fridge.
10. Always have a big salad prepared in the fridge.
11. Keep soaked nuts in the fridge ready to whip anything up.
So my friends, Will you help me? I've got to find that "Raw Girl" in me again.
I will do it this time! I know if I am accountable to you and not just myself, for now, until I can find "her", I will be able to do it.
Today:
Weight: 159.4 (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!?)I was 152 the day before Thanksgiving......
Meals:
Breakfast: 32 oz. kale, carrot, celery, apple, cilantro, lime, broccoli juice.
1 T. Spirulina mixed with 1/4 c. water. (yucky!)
Lunch: 3 c. greeen smoothie: Spinach, banana, pineapple, orange, lemon, blueberries, and strawberries.
Snack: Soaked in sea salt water and dehydrated pumpkin seeds.
1 Pecan Cocao Truffle.
(Gave me a headache...)
Juice: 20 oz. (Citrus Bliss) grapefruit, orange, lemon, lime juice.
Dinner: Raw stuffing (Buckwheat, pumpkin seeds, walnuts, onion, carrot, celery, parsley, green pepper) Cranberry Sauce (Cranberries, dates, pineapple, apple)
I made it through Day 1 with your help! Thank you!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Getting Back With the Program
June 15, 2010
What happened??
After I ended my feast, I began with great intentions to eat my all raw diet again. But somehow, the eating disorder of chewing and spitting took over for a while, and I permitted myself to go along with it, which helped me to get over it.
I DID get over it by now allowing myself to just eat. So, I began just eating the meals I was making for my family. Which also included the sugary treats (which surprised me that I would go there.) What I noticed was that I felt tired after eating and I have gotten my weight back up to 148.6. The most upsetting thing has been how my insides feel. Not good. Although, I am happy to say that I have learned a lot about myself through this. Never say never!
I have been reading about the emotional reasons for binge eating and the other eating disorders and am just giving myself permission to feel whatever it is I need to feel.
I realized that I was feeling like "If I don't eat EVERYTHING I am not going to have anymore, there won't be any left for me and I might never get to eat it again." My mother changed our diet to a Macrobiotic one after my father had a heart attack. I was 9 years old. I think that I was traumatized by this and developed this feeling. That the foods I always ate and loved where now "bad" and whenever I had the opportunity to eat them I pigged out, because who knows how long it would be, if ever, I got to eat them again. So, I think that juice feasting and water fasting triggered in me that same feeling. I am still emotionally 9 I guess. So, by letting myself eat whatever and giving myself the okay, and telling myself that there will always be enough food of ANYKIND for me. There will always be enough. I will not be deprived. I will not be without. I am NOT bad for eating "bad" food.
As a result I am discovering in a different way how the different food choices make me feel. The SAD makes me feel yucky, tired, and puts weight on. Overeating makes my stomach hurt and gives me heartburn and makes me feel VERY uncomfortable in my body.
Chewing and spitting was just stupid. It's a waste of money and time and ridiculous and no longer appeals to me. Thankfully.
Bulimia died a long time ago and gratefully so.
So today. I am choosing to eat raw because I like how it makes me feel. I like to feel good. I know it is healthy and helps to heal me. I have a lot of raw foods that I love to eat and there is plenty of it for me. I am not "going without" but I am "giving myself more".
What happened??
After I ended my feast, I began with great intentions to eat my all raw diet again. But somehow, the eating disorder of chewing and spitting took over for a while, and I permitted myself to go along with it, which helped me to get over it.
I DID get over it by now allowing myself to just eat. So, I began just eating the meals I was making for my family. Which also included the sugary treats (which surprised me that I would go there.) What I noticed was that I felt tired after eating and I have gotten my weight back up to 148.6. The most upsetting thing has been how my insides feel. Not good. Although, I am happy to say that I have learned a lot about myself through this. Never say never!
I have been reading about the emotional reasons for binge eating and the other eating disorders and am just giving myself permission to feel whatever it is I need to feel.
I realized that I was feeling like "If I don't eat EVERYTHING I am not going to have anymore, there won't be any left for me and I might never get to eat it again." My mother changed our diet to a Macrobiotic one after my father had a heart attack. I was 9 years old. I think that I was traumatized by this and developed this feeling. That the foods I always ate and loved where now "bad" and whenever I had the opportunity to eat them I pigged out, because who knows how long it would be, if ever, I got to eat them again. So, I think that juice feasting and water fasting triggered in me that same feeling. I am still emotionally 9 I guess. So, by letting myself eat whatever and giving myself the okay, and telling myself that there will always be enough food of ANYKIND for me. There will always be enough. I will not be deprived. I will not be without. I am NOT bad for eating "bad" food.
As a result I am discovering in a different way how the different food choices make me feel. The SAD makes me feel yucky, tired, and puts weight on. Overeating makes my stomach hurt and gives me heartburn and makes me feel VERY uncomfortable in my body.
Chewing and spitting was just stupid. It's a waste of money and time and ridiculous and no longer appeals to me. Thankfully.
Bulimia died a long time ago and gratefully so.
So today. I am choosing to eat raw because I like how it makes me feel. I like to feel good. I know it is healthy and helps to heal me. I have a lot of raw foods that I love to eat and there is plenty of it for me. I am not "going without" but I am "giving myself more".
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