It's the pain....

January 11, 2011, 1-11-11

A friend of mine told me that whenever we see 11111 (ones) it means that angels are communicating with us. It's a small sign of their presence. Hmm?

Today being my 3rd day of 100% rawness I am feeling the "nakedness".

At the bottom of my cumpulsion to eat, and I say compulsion because it's not just hunger. Is a strong desire, compulsion, to fill myself with pleasure to fill a void, a pit, a hole, a wound of.........pain. It's no surprise to me. I've known this for a long time. I also know that I'm not alone....
I feel so much compassion for others. For their pains. Pains we all have to endure and overcome and fill with love. Others may have a laundry list of drugs of choice. Mine is food.
Oh. The. PAIN!
I could list them all here....but I won't.

I feel naked today. You know? When you stand in the mirror completely naked? You see it all. Well, I am feeling it all today. It hurts and there is nowhere to hide. I just fall to my knees and pray. I give it to the Lord. He will heal me.

I've come here to blog and resisted the temptation to "fill the abyss".
And boy, did I have the temptations! Literal visions of what I will eat and where I will get it and when and how and "Do it now!" But I resisted. Just the thought of having to be accountable again. Blogging. My support group.

I was reading a blog of someone I know called SAVE THE FOOD. She just started a diet and is a therapist. I totally relate to her because she too is an actress and a performer and I think has the same anxieties as I do of "having to look good" etc.

Anyway, she gives herself "credit" at the end of her blogs for the good she sees in herself. I like that. I think I will do that too!

I have told her that I love raw foods and how much it has helped me. She just doesn't want to believe. Anyway, she is all concerned about calories and sticking to a strict regime. If she would just eat raw, her high blood pressure and hypoglycemia would go away. Period. Oh, and she would lose all of the excess weight. Period.
Oh well, whaddaya do? You can't force people. You just have to be the messenger and example.

I'm all over the place.....

I was thinking about how when I stuff myself with foods that are bad for me to feel better (only makes me feel worse cuz now I'm sick) to numb the pain, still works when you're raw! You can stuff yourself with raw food, feel better and the pain starts to heal. And you start to come out of the pit of depression and your body starts to look and feel fantastic and you feel better. It works. It does, because it has! It IS the answer to using food as a drug. It's like having an addiction to reading and so you start reading the Gospel! You are blessed for the good "drug" the good choice. There is no BAD side effect to raw food. There is no BAD side effect of reading the word of God.

So as for me today I will stuff myself with goodness. Listen to and read God's word. Pray. Pray. And pray some more. And eat all the raw food I want!

CREDIT: I have come so far and improved so much in the past 3 years!

Breakfast: 32 oz. Green smoothie of blueberries, banana, orange, lime, spinach, chia seeds and Udo's Oil.

Snack: Apple

Lunch: Cashews and Red Grapes

Snack: Kale chips